I sometimes hear that the help of relatives is not always enough or adapted. Yet, in the ordeal of the disease, you particularly need their support. How to manage the relationship with those around you? How to feel understood by your relatives? And most importantly who can support me?
5 essential points to get the support of your loved ones:
1) Stop waiting
I will start by talking about expectations. We all have expectations of our loved ones, which is quite normal. We secretly hope they naturally guess what we need. However, they do not read our thoughts and do not know how to support us.
How can they know what you are going through when they are not in your shoes?
We have a lot of assumptions and I often hear, “It makes sense that he or she should know that I need that”. However, we are all different and there is not really a standard: which means that there is no one way to support a person affected by a disease, a disaster or a financial problem. Fortunately, you can receive the help of your loved ones when they better understand you.
To communicate is to put things into perspective: it is to create a bridge between the other person to support you (relatives, friends, family) and you. Communication is not a skill we learn at school. I would even say that it is an art that few know how to master. Yet it is essential to communicate well to be understood by those we love.
- To feel supported, one needs to feel understood.
- To feel understood, one needs to feel listened to.
- To be listened to, you have to express yourself.
- Before speaking, you have to understand your own feelings.
- The beginning of change will come through you.
- An essential question to ask yourself: what do you need?
- Do you feel that your husband or wife does not support you? Your spouse is too kind to you?
- It’s already a good start to know what you do not want.
3) Express your needs
Take the time to think about what would be good for you:
A helping hand for the household? In the kitchen? With children?
Do you only need the physical presence of a loved one?
Do you need more affection and tenderness?
On the inside, there is surely a little voice that knows what you need. Do not have any specific ideas yet? In this context, it seems to me that one often needs a support from someone who holds no judgments. Sometimes we only need to be listened to without receiving advice.
Does this idea speak to you? If so, tell your loved ones!
4) Exceed your own expectations
“Why would it be up to me to make an effort?”
And why not? Why not give yourself the opportunity to do something that will do you good?
You can choose to wait for your loved ones to take a step towards you … But why would your well-being depend solely on the actions of others? You are certainly the best person to know what is good for you.
What prevents us to take the first step:
- The impression that people will not listen to you or understand you. To answer this question, I will ask you a simple question: What risk do you take in expressing yourself?
- The fear of “annoying” your loved one or worrying Know that he or she will be less worried if they really know what you feel (it will also be fewer knots in the head).
Often, the people around you do not know how to help you.
I assure you that members of your family (spouse, children, siblings …) feel helpless and want to support you. They may be clumsy in their words or gestures, but know that many people around you want to support you. By telling them exactly what you need, you can help them help you. In this way, you leave them a place in your life and you give them a role to play in the face of misfortunes.
5) Share your feelings
Mental weather: this is an expression I like to use to talk about the mood of the day.
During tough times (and even after) your mood varies from day to day. Some days you will inform your family or friends by giving them your mental breakdown of the day. It will be easier for them to provide you with appropriate support. Starting today, you can begin building this bridge between your loved ones and yourself!
Sometimes, we feel things with our body and brain that we sometimes have the impression of feeling or being alone. We would like others to guess what we feel. When we are in love, we try to send “signals” to those who we do not dare to say that we love them and we can be very unhappy if they do not manage to understand these “signals”.
It also happens that we feel sadness, pain and frustration (when we cannot get what we want), in the case of going through a troublesome event like moving from one place to another, the death of someone dear, or a sentimental breakdown. This prevents us from living our lives to the fullest. When we are depressed, we often have trouble understanding what is happening to us and expressing it is even more complicated. Again, we hope to be understood without having to make the effort to explain. But others are also in their preoccupations and even if sometimes they feel that there is a problem, the easiest way to get their attention is still to ask them directly.
So who can support me? Everyone! Yes, believe it. Everyone around us is important whether we realize it or not. We can receive support from any person we let ourselves be open with and be vulnerable in showing our weakness. Just because you haven’t spoken to your neighbor since you moved in or your siblings since you graduated college, doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. People can be more helpful than they show, you just need to communicate with those around you for them to understand your needs and support you.